100+ Type Tips for Working/Living with Children:

I started with the challenge to identify 100 ways type can be used with children to help them develop independent skills for learning about their world, making decisions, and managing their relationships. Tips are divided into 3 broad areas: General, Home, School. Enjoy!

Type Hints in General

*Type for Kids Tip #1: Intuitives self-report reading more books than Sensors but Sensors tend to read more magazines, articles, and pieces of information. Schools that reward students for the number of books read may have a hidden bias in favor of the intuitive. The problem can be solved by rewarding the students for the number of minutes spent reading rather than the number of books read, which allows a variety of ways for reading to be recognized.

*Type for Kids Tip #2: if you want others to follow your way of expressing your thoughts put a frame around it that explains how others are to listen. For example, if you are brainstorming ideas you may say, “I am playing with possible ideas but have not selected any single idea yet.” Then the listener knows these are not final choices but possible choices. This allows the young listener to better sort the information being shared.

*Type for Kids Tip #3: if you are adamant about an opinion or a procedure add the phrase “for me” at the end so the child knows other opinions may also have value. Instead of saying, “Pineapple pizza is disgusting” say “pineapple pizza is disgusting for me.” That was always your intent but the explicit phrase opens the door for the young listener to have a different opinion.

*Type for Kids Tip #4: Those with a thinking preference tend to hear the word “feel” as an emotion. Those with a feeling preference hear that word as a decision, a choice. So, when I work with young children, I try to use a pair of words. Instead of saying “How do you feel about that?” I say, “What do you think or feel about that?” Thinking children can latch onto the “think” word and Feeling children can latch onto the word, “feel”.

*Type for Kids Tip #5: Use the “1 Minute Warning” to let a child know when closure to their project is imminent. “In one minute, we will need to leave.” Warning of the change in an activity is respectful to both the JS and Ps. Js get to bring closure and Ps get to hurry and include any final play.

*Type for Kids Tip #6: Sometimes extraverted preteens say things first, before they think. Then, feel they have to stand by what was said. The strategy of “second chance” allows an alternative. When a student said something that might be considered rude, I would say, “Second Chance. Do you want to say that another way?” So often they would. If a child just wanted to be rude, they would say a second rude comment. When that happens then you know it is not extraversion but is rudeness and you can give an appropriate consequence.

*Type for Kids Tip #7: Use small, sequential steps for a direction for Sensing students rather than compound or complex sentences. For example, instead of writing, “Name all the vegetables that are native to the area and tell how the local people use these to survive and identify how else they might make a living”, write the task as three separate sentences. “Name all the vegetables that are native to the area. Tell how the local people use these to survive. Identify how else they might make a living. ” Sensing children have said the first way is “confusing” but the second way is “clear.” The work is the same.

*Type for Kids Tip #8: Give CHOICES, CHOICES, CHOICES. Every time a child makes an independent choice, they chose a way to process the options and make a selection. The action allows for type exploration and type development. Even infants and toddlers can make choices. With toddlers, instead of saying, “Sit here” say, “Which chair would you like to use?” We may not know the basis for their choice but reaching a decision would require taking in information and making a choice, resulting in personal development.

*Type for Kids Tip #9: Use the Z-model of decision-making with children just as you do with adults. Before bringing closure to a decision, they should answer four key questions. 1. Do we have all the information we need? 2. Should we consider other possibilities? 3. Is this reasonable? Can we really do it? and 4. Is this important? Is it worth my time? They may need help answering the questions but asking them prepares them to look at an issue from a variety of perspectives. These 4 questions are only an example. Many others could be used.

*Type for Kids Tip #10: Judging types enjoy play and spontaneity so long as these activities do not distract them from finishing a task they are working to complete. Judging children hurry to finish homework right away not because they are more “responsible” but because they cannot relax and enjoy the play if there is work to be done. They say, “I do my homework right away so I can have more time to play.”

*Type for Kids Tip #11: Sensors begin with the concrete and move to the innovative. They build new creations based on what they know now. The Dyson vacuum is an example. The commercials say “we took what was, then changed the wheels for a ball, changed the suction to have no bag, and now, moved the power to the handle.” A new machine was created by starting with the known and moving to the new. That seems to be an example of sensing creativity to me.

*Type for Kids Tip #12: There is a difference between the energy of an introvert and shyness. Shyness is a social trait which causes a person to hesitate in social encounters. Introverts only hesitate when the thought or situation is new. There is no hesitation with familiar settings. Also, introversion gives us a cue about how a person regains their energy. Shyness is a behavioral reaction. A person could be a shy extravert who gets energy through interaction but hesitates in social situations.

*Type for Kids Tip #13: When you are estimating a child’s type preference don’t just judge the outer behavior but also look for the motivation for that behavior. An elementary age FP child can look and act J if the child thinks that will please the parent or the teacher.

*Type for Kids Tip #14: Young children with a Feeling preference often interpret no feedback equal to dislike or criticism. It is not an issue of ego or self- esteem. Since the F is typically doing something for someone, they need the assurance that what they did met the need. Parents with a Thinking preference may underestimate the importance of feedback to a Feeling child.

*Type for Kids Tip # 15: Frame the function you want them to use. Your choice of words guides the process. “Find the flaw…” (T) “Help me explore other possibilities…” (N) “What do we already know?” (S) and “What makes this important?” (F)

*Type for Kids Tip #16: Introverts in familiar settings may actually look extraverted. The hesitation and reflection may only occur when processing NEW thought, but the daily interactions may appear extraverted to someone watching, especially if the Introvert is with a group of close friends.

*Type for Kids Tip #17: Sensing children enjoy sharing all the rich details of an event. How could you possibly understand the ending if you don’t know all the pieces. When asked to describe a presentation at school a young Sensing child started with “We were on Unit 22 – Rounding” and then she continued with explicit details. Their joy is sharing. If you do not have time to listen to everything it would be better to say, “Tell me chapters 1 and 2 now and save the rest of the story for later. I can listen better then.” Hurrying a Sensing child’s narration can send a secondary message that the details are not important when they really are important to the Sensing child.

*Type for Kids Tip #18: Because extraverts tend to think “out loud” they sometimes say one thing but change direction quickly. An introverted parent might overreact to a comment unnecessarily. When working with an extravert who expresses something that raises a flag I usually ask first, “Is this a final thought or a thought still forming?” If it is a final thought, you can still react. If it is a forming thought you can wait for the final version before reacting.

*Type for Kids Tip #19: Feeling dominant children will try to figure out what you want them to say or do before they analyze what they want to say. Thinking children believe it is important to just say the truth as they know it. Recently, a child with a Thinking preference said, “I don’t want to see that play, OK?” The child with the Feeling preference said, “Is it OK to say I do not want to go because you got the tickets and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” The child with the Feeling preference saw the question as a relationship issue. The child with a Thinking preference saw it as a watching a play issue. The child with a Thinking preference is less likely to change their mind and would go if told they had no choice. They were asking about options. The child with a Feeling preference would change a decision to make the other person feel better…just an example of objective and subjective decision-making. Both have value. Both have bumps.

*Type for Kids Tip #20: When children are using their type preferences, we say they are using their strengths. When the task asks them to use other than their preference, we say they are stretching to do the task. When a child has to stretch to complete a task it typically requires more time, greater concentration, and someone to model what to do. The younger the child the more the modeling is vital to the task’s successful completion.

*Type for Kids Tip #21: Change “I can’t” to “I can’t yet.” When a child says “I can’t” add the time limit of “so far.” Then remind them that when they were a baby, they could not walk but now they can. At one point they could not add numbers but now they can. Follow the pattern to their current age and conclude with “Today you cannot…but soon you will and this struggle will be like the others—only temporary.”

*Type for Kids Tip #22: Children reach an age around middle school and junior high when they want to handle things on their own and resist parents monitoring their homework. Something to say when that happens is “If your grades are on track, I’m off your back. If they start to slide, I’ll be by your side.” In other words, I will respect your independence but if you need me, I am near. Another hint is to hire (at babysitter rates) a high school student to come check your child’s work. One hour of time can yield good modeling, fewer parent/child arguments, and positive peer connections.

*Type for Kids Tip #23: Children with a Thinking preference need to be taught how to win fairly and lose friendly. Their joy is in mastery. They want to beat their previous record, the best record so far or the best for their age. They are not so interested in beating others but in establishing their personal sense of mastery.

*Type for Kids Tip #24: When children always seem to want to do things their way you can tell them that options are shared three ways: My Choice, Your Choice, and No Choice or Our Choice. Then you can just say, “This is a No Choice turn or this is a Your Choice turn, etc.”

*Type for Kids Tip #25: A good self-esteem does not develop from being able to enjoy when things are going well. It is the ability to change what is happening to make it better or to cope with things you cannot change. You can change your pattern for doing homework to make the process occur more smoothly but you cannot change when your dog dies. Then you need coping skills. Tools for making changes and tools for coping with things that cannot be changed can be found with type.

*Type for Kids Tip #26: Children with a Feeling preference need to be taught the meaning of negotiation. Too often they perceive negotiation as “giving in” and letting the other person have his/her way. If siblings are arguing over which video game to play, each begins by saying what each prefers. The child with the Thinking preference more typically holds his/her ground. The child with the Feeling preference more typically gives in—but not necessarily happily so. Both types need to learn that negotiation means that BOTH parties leave SATISFIED with the decision. With that foundation each type can give a little to reach that goal.

*Type for Kids Tip #27: Children who are independent thinkers (F or T) sometimes resist complying with teacher or parent requests because they do not see the justification for the requested behavior so you hear, “Why do I have to do that?” Help your child sort independent thought from independent behavior. Keep independent thought which may lead to the next philosopher, engineer, architect, artist, etc. but recognize that many times we must use social behaviors so others know how to interact and what to expect. Freedom of thought coupled with social standards can include some conformity and still allow the child to retain individuality in socially acceptable ways.

*Type for Kids Tip #28: Children operate primarily out of their dominant. If your child’s dominant is Sensing give clear, sequential directions. Give him/her time to process and to practice. Giving a lot of information at one time can feel like a dump truck full of dirt falling on the head. Let the child enjoy taking each piece of information and filing it before adding more. Sensors use details to form new thought and reach conclusions but that does not equal wanting multiple details all at once.

*Type for Kids Tip #29: If your child’s dominant is Intuition give him/her options. Allow your child to explore innovative ways of doing routine tasks. Maybe the child has to set the table but challenge him/her to find a new way to do it each night and the job becomes more exciting. While riding in a car have contests such as asking your child to think of as many ways as possible to cross the street. See how many answers can be generated before the traffic light turns green. Answers do not have to be realistic.

*Type for Kids Tip #30: If children’s dominant preference is Thinking they will want to understand the “why” behind most decisions, but especially those decisions they might want to change. Whenever possible offer them the reason for your choice. When there is not a logical reason explain that sometimes we cooperate to respect another person’s style or need.

*Type for Kids Tip #31: Typically, the term “organized” is associated with the Judging preference. Some people then extrapolate that those with a Perceiving preference, in contrast, must be “disorganized”. It is more accurate to say that those with a Judging preference are EXTERNALLY organized. The world can see their system for organization. Those with a preference for Perceiving are INTERNALLY organized. The world notices their extraverted data gathering process, which keeps options open, instead of their decision-making style, which is internal. Therefore, all types can be organized.

*Type for Kids Tip #32: A reasonable strategy to use with children that respects a difference of opinion and gives them future options is to say, “Negotiate for next time but comply today.” If children disagree with a home or school rule, they can follow procedures for getting the rule changed but, until it is changed, they must follow the rule. (That can include curfew rules.)

*Type for Kids Tip #33: Children with a Thinking preference try to solve the problem to help their friends. Children with a Feeling preference try to help their friends so the friend can solve his/her problem. Both care about the problem and both care about the friend. The Thinker starts with the problem for the friend. The Feeler starts with the friend to help resolve the problem.

*Type for Kids Tip #34: Children with a dominant Feeling preference handle conflict well when and only when, the relationship is solid. When the child knows he/she is still valued and loved, the Feeling child can address any flaws and deficits. Otherwise, every critical remark is a threat to the relationship. Therefore, begin correction by re-confirming the relationship. For example, “I love you dearly but your room is a mess and that has to change” or “I am thrilled to have you in my class but we have to solve the problem of late assignments.” Feeling children will work with you on issues so long as they know the issue is not ruining the relationship.

*Type for Kids Tip #35: One second grade teacher learned about the differences between children with a Sensing preference and children with an Intuitive preference. She then admitted that the previous day she made a student rewrite the title to his story because it was not descriptive. It was metaphorical. Sensors value the realistic. Intuitives value titles that hint at the content but could have a second meaning. She said she was going to tell him he could change to keep his original title.

*Type for Kids Tip #36: People comment that Thinkers always think they are right Of course! Why would they evaluate information and come to a less than best decision? If you want to change the mind of someone with a Thinking preference don’t argue the accuracy of their decision. Provide them with new information. With new information the Thinker will reevaluate and potentially reach a different conclusion.

*Type for Kids Tip #37: At times those with a Thinking preference will make a personal decision that the rule is “stupid” and therefore, they do not have to follow it. Help your child sort when this might be an option and when the rule must be followed regardless.

*Type for Kids Tip #38: Sometimes it is fun to see type expressed through a child’s writing. This was written by a 3rd grader (8 years old) ESTP. The writing prompt was the single word “tomorrow.” “…Tomorrow I hope is more exciting than today. I hope someone in my class has a birthday and the class can be able to party, party, party! I also hope that for some unexpected reason we get a recess and not only that, I hope it is an extra-long one. But I know none of these things will never happen. I guess I have to get back to reality.”

*Type for Kids Tip #39: During the tween years and early adolescence children can dream big dreams of what they might do in life. Becoming a professional sports figure, musician artist, entrepreneur, or escape artist means becoming the best. Children rarely dream of being in second place. At times parents try to add a bit of realism to the dream by point out facts that burst the dream, such as “You are too short to play pro basketball.” Then the child does not believe you heard the dream. Another way of keeping the dream but adding reality is to embrace the dream but add, “What is your plan for making that happen?” Accepting the dream is important. The reality of implementing the dream will determine its true feasibility. Help your child KEEP THE DREAM, and MAKE A PLAN FOR THE PROCESS. Life will determine what happens next.

*Type for Kids Tip #40: Jung was specific. Creativity belongs to each of the functions. There is Sensing creativity, Intuitive creativity, Thinking creativity, and Feeling creativity. Terms such as imaginative and innovative are typically associated with Intuition. This is different than creativity.

*Type for Kids Tip #41: The young Intuitive child can get easily frustrated when creating projects because he/she does not have the skills for producing what is envisioned. If creating a sand castle, they might imagine the Taj Mahal but produce a small pile of sand. They need help producing not designing.

Some Intuitive children will begin to reduce their design to match their production skills. Teachers can help by saying, “If your project does not look like what you hoped, you can describe for me what else was in your design”. If the child describes in greater detail what he/she wanted to include, you can confirm help with production skills is needed, not design skills and can guide the child how to seek help with that phase of a project.

*Type for Kids Tip #42: In Psychological Types Jung wrote (paragraph 896) that “Type differentiation often begins very early, so early that in some cases one must speak of it as innate. The earliest sign of extraversion in a child is his quick adaptation to the environment, and the extraordinary attention he gives to objects…Everything unknown is alluring.” Our video research with young children supports this observation.

*Type for Kids Tip #43: In Psychological Types (paragraph 897) Jung continued that “…one of the earliest signs of introversion in a child is a reflective, thoughtful manner, marked shyness and even fear of unknown objects…Everything unknown is regarded with mistrust…” In my video research introverts spend more time observing objects and extraverts spend more time interacting with objects.

*Type for Kids Tip #44: Each function has an aura of energy surrounding it. When the function is unconscious that energy is also unconscious. When the function is conscious the individual has some control over that energy. Toddlers and preschoolers have all functions in the unconscious and so all energy is unconsciously driving their choices. Their judgments will be driven by their innate choices. To change a behavior, use a RULE rather than expecting them to have well-developed judgment.

*Type for Kids Tip #45: Development must occur and it must occur over time. Jung wrote (paragraph 763) that “Experience shows that it is practically impossible, owing to adverse circumstances in general, for anyone to develop all his psychological functions simultaneously. The demands of society compel a man to apply himself first and foremost to the differentiation of the function with which he is best equipped by nature, or by which will secure him to greatest social success.” This makes it most important that children have a chance to use their dominant function during their developmental years, which can be a challenge for some parents when their dominant type is different from their child’s dominant type.

*Type for Kids Tip #46: There seems to be some confusion about the meaning of the Feeling function. Too often the term is confused with feeling as emotions. In Psychological Types (paragraph 725) Jung says “Hence, Feeling is a kind of judgment, differing from intellectual judgment in that its aim is not to establish conceptual relations but to set up a subjective criterion of acceptance or rejection…When the intensity of Feeling increases it turns into an affect, a feeling-state accompanied by marked physical inner actions. Feeling is distinguished from affect by the fact that it produces no perceptible physical inner actions, i.e, neither more nor less than an ordinary thinking process.”

*Type for Kids Tip #47: In Psychological Types Jung reminds us that the environment can nurture a child’s individual development or hinder it. He writes, “Under abnormal conditions, i.e., when the mother’s own attitude is extreme, a similar attitude can be forced on the children too, thus violating their individual disposition which might have opted for another type if no abnormal external influences had intervened. As a rule whenever such a falsification of type takes place as a result of parental influence, the individual becomes neurotic later and can be cured only by developing the attitude consonant with his nature.” (paragraph 560)

*Type for Kids Tip #48: The development of type occurs over time. Jung wrote in The Development of Personality (paragraph 288) that “Personality is a seed that can only develop by slow stages throughout life. There is no personality without definiteness, wholeness, and ripeness. These three qualities cannot and should not be expected of the child, as they would rob it of childhood.” Knowing the ways children develop gives us ways to help encourage that development.

*Type for Kids Tip #49: Type development does not occur in a linear model. You do not develop all of the dominant and then move to the auxiliary. Instead, development appears to occur in a spiral. The more the dominant develops the more the shape of the spiral is skewed into an elongated oval. The child discovers his/her inner energy gift and then spends repeated trials confirming that choice is true. Part of that confirmation process means trying out the other side “just to be sure.” With that in mind, our gift to children is not to know the child’s type as much as it is to offer them type aware choices and let them select. (The child needs to know his/her type. The adult needs to know type options.)

*Type for Kids Tip #50: All children and adults can learn to be empathetic but the way an individual with Thinking expresses empathy is different from the way a person with a Feeling preference expresses empathy. Those with a Thinking preference have Cognitive Empathy. They understand what the other is experiencing and can provide the appropriate emotional support. Those with a preference for Feeling have Connected Empathy. It is as if they are going through the experience with the other persona and have an emotional connection with that individual. Both can effectively offer empathetic support.

*Type for Kids Tip #51: Resiliency is the ability to bounce back when things go wrong. People bounce back by fixing the problem or coping with things that cannot be changed. People with a Thinking preference or a Feeling preference have their resiliency threatened in different ways. Thinkers need confirmation of skills and/or competencies while Feelers need to know their contribution was valued by others and the relationship is intact. Children with a Feeling preference seem at-risk for resiliency issues when they are not sure how others feel about them. Those with a thinking preference seem at-risk when their autonomy is stifled and their efforts are not seen as valid.

*Type for Kids Tip #52: Those with a Feeling preference tend to see what is right with someone first and then notice any flaws. Those with a Thinking preference tend to have a keen eye for finding the flaw first and then appreciate all the good A young adult ENFP once commented to me that so many guys she dated started out appearing to be a prince but ended up being a frog. I shared with her how her nature focused on his assets first. Recognizing this tendency meant those with a Feeling preference may be wise to elect not to sleep with a date or give him money until they have had time to get in balance both perspectives-the wonderful and the not-so-wonderful.

*Type for Kids Tip #53: Have you ever wanted to re-write a story? I was recently reminded of the story of the ant and the grasshopper. The ant worked all summer storing food while the grasshopper played. When winter came the ant had lots to eat and the grasshopper was starving. The moral of the story was to work first and plan for the future. Playing in the moment was foolish. Those appear to be reflective of a Judging approach to the task. To give equal value to the Perceiving approach I would change the story slightly.

The ant worked all summer to gather and store food for the winter while the grasshopper played and sang. When winter came the ant had plenty to eat but was so bored. There was no work to do. The grasshopper was hungry so he called the ant and said, “Let’s throw a party so we won’t be bored. I’ll provide the location and the entertainment and you bring the food. We will have a blast! Working together, each bringing their best talent, makes life richer all around. That is what type helps us appreciate.

*Type for Kids Tip #54: Some hints for working with ESTP children might include: 1. Help them discover safe ways to risk and still be successful. They may try sports that are more extreme or try to get scholarships or performance contracts that are difficult. 2. Allow them to form connections with many groups of people. They have a wide range of interests and may need multiple groups to experience this full range. 3. Provide a very quiet place to work where this student can concentrate when the task is difficult. Typically, this type enjoys a noisy and active learning environment but when they really have to concentrate, they are easily distracted by extraneous noise. If the work is not difficult, quiet is not an issue. 4.Recognize that when angry, this type may say many things they don’t mean. Instead of reacting to everything they say, ask them to name the final or primary issue that bothers them and focus only on solving that issue. Avoid recalling all of the other things uttered in the anger or pain of the moment. Fair fighting with this type means forgetting everything said except the final issue.

*Type for Kids Tip #55: Introverts are known for keeping their best side inside and showing the world their second best. Introverted children can also keep their needs inside. Asking them directly may not get an honest response. Spending time with them and allowing a conversation to emerge is a more powerful way to learn what is bothering an introvert.

*Type for Kids Tip #56: A child with a Thinking preference is driven by an internal love of competency. Everyone wants to do well but young Thinking children can feel stressed when they are incompetent at a task. This feeling can be so compelling that they blame some reason other than themselves for their failure. They know the truth but cannot face it at the moment. That is not the right moment to challenge them. Wait until later and then raise the issue again. Likely, the need to blame someone or something else will diminish.

*Type for Kids Tip #57: I remember when I first became aware of the Sensing function, although I did not know that was the name. My preferences are INFP. When I was about 5th grade (age 10-11) I fell in love with reading Sherlock Holmes mysteries. I can vividly remember being so impressed that someone noticed so many details and then added them together to solve the crime. I knew I did not have that skill. I didn’t know why but I did know that as “not me.” Because it was not me, I thought whoever could do that must be a genius. I was envious of the skill. It would have been lovely if someone had shared with me that I did have a Sensing side but a preference for Intuition and I could use Sensing with some extra effort. Type awareness was not available for children in those days but it is now. Teaching about the type differences is a gift we can offer children today to increase their appreciation of others as well as an appreciation of their inner talents.

*Type for Kids #58: The dominant is such a powerful player in a child’s life. Even when reasoning tells them to make a different choice it has to get filtered through the dominant. When I was 14 and a freshman in high school a group of my friends were asked to be servers at a high school reunion banquet. The lady organizing the event would drive us to the location and bring us home. When the evening ended, she came to us to drive us home and she was so drunk she could not walk. We all knew we could not get in the car with her but my dominant Feeling function did not want to “insult” her by actually accusing her of being drunk. I was busy trying to come up with another good reason why we could not ride with her when, gratefully, one of my friends announces to her that she was too drunk to drive and we all were not riding with her. I would like to think that I would not have gotten in the car but I cannot be sure. One of the girls had just gotten her learner’s permit that week so she drove us home. (We still prayed the whole time.) Today I would not hesitate to tell someone they were drunk and could not drive but then I was still under the black and white thinking of an underdeveloped dominant. To help our children we can pre-practice options to try or say when caught in potentially threatening situations when their judgment is clouded by their limited development or by social conventions.

*Type for Kids Tip #59: Type is the best when it works. A child with a Feeling preference was assigned to create a poster about herself. To the stem “the best thing about me…” she wrote- ”…how much I care about other people. She may not know that is part of her Feeling function but she does know that is a truth about her. Type gives us a vocabulary for explaining things we know. Her next step will be to learn to manage that caring for others so there is some balanced caring for self, too.

*Type for Kids Tip #60: Children with an introverted preference are often underestimated for their skills because they keep their best side inside and show the world their second-best side. If they are an introverted Sensor with Feeling (SF) others may notice their friendliness and caring and not realize the SF has mountains of specific information stored in case they might need it someday in the future.

*Type for Kids Tip #61: If you have a Sensing preference and you take an idea to an intuitive adult the natural inclination of the intuitive is to revise and change. Before long, your original design has morphed into something else with all their suggestions. If you are a Sensor and you want to use your idea as it was conceived, start the conversation with the comment, “I have an idea and I would like to use it as it is unless you see a flaw or problem with the design.” The intuitive will then turn off their intuition and listen using their T or F preference and you may be able to use your original design.

*Type for Kids Tip #62: For years we told children, “You can be anything you want to be.” Knowing each child is born with a predisposition for a particular type I would like to suggest a language shift. Now I tell children, “You can explore any and all career choices to find the best way for you to use your talents successfully.”

*Type for Kids Tip #63: Type development occurs in a spiral. If a child’s dominant preference is Sensing the activities associated with Sensing will be more energizing and fun. They will use their Intuition at the same time but the associated activities will seem more like work. Thus, whenever possible, they will use Sensing. Still, all Sensing children will use Intuition, too.

Yet, the Sensing function of a 9-yar-ol does not look like the Sensing function of a 19-year-old or a 59-year-old. Each time the Sensing function is used, it develops. Each new experience fills their information coffer and provides a more solid factual base for decisions. For the Sensing child, one of the best things we can do is provide an environment rich with direct experiences. The Extraverted Sensor excels when they try out the new learning rather than just hear it. Solving a math problem with fractions in a formula is not the same as making something and converting fractions in prodder to cook precisely.

The development of the Sensing function also includes the ability to sift through mountains of information to find the most relevant facts to use for the present situation. The nice part of living with an Extraverted Sensor is we get the fun of doing the activities with them. Highlighting the learning in any activity is a nice extension of their school day.

*Type for Kids Tip #64: There is a myth about King Arthur about when he was a young man and was challenged with a difficult question. The question was: “What do women really want?” The answer to the challenge was that women want to be in charge of their lives. The same applies to children. In their efforts to develop their dominant and auxiliary, they need guidance but, ultimately, want to be the one in charge. With children parents want to selectively give opportunities for the child to be in charge. Children can select their outfit from a grouping of pre-approved options. They can decide if they like peas or not. They can decide which book to read or game to play for fun. They do not get to decide whether to follow family rules, be polite, or complete assignments. Come conditions just need to be followed. When there is disagreement, the parent can reflect the child’s wish that the child could do things his/her way (to show the child you really did hear their wish) but the rule is….and restate the expectation. Parents get to decide the outer limits. Children get to have multiple ways of meeting these expectations. Yet, whenever possible, the child needs to be in charge of the self. That is how individual growth occurs.

Type Hints for School

*Type for Kids School Tip # 1: Measure class participation by acquired content rather than who spoke aloud. At the end of the lesson have students, write, draw, or tell a partner 3 things they learned from the lesson presentation. If they can identify three pieces of content, they participated. Introverts may choose to participate by listening while extraverts may choose to participate by sharing. Letting each participate in their best way honors differences. (If you want the student to acquire the skills of public expression that is a different skill than participation in a lecture or class presentation.)

*Type for Kids School Tip #2: Use backward chaining to help perceiving-preference students to gauge when to begin assignments. Ask them to name the last moment they can begin and still get the work done. Consider possible interferences and let them wait to produce. One mom asked, “Wouldn’t they be more comfortable if they just did their homework on Friday night? Then they would have the whole weekend worry-free. ” Perceivers already have the weekend worry-free.

The younger the child the greater the chance is that they will underestimate the amount of time it will take to complete an assignment, especially if it is a new kind of assignment. Teach them better timing. It is not about irresponsibility. It is about timing.

*Type for Kids School Tip #3: Young Sensing learners typically enjoy multiple examples to prove a point or solidify a concept. The multiple examples are not so much for comprehension as they are for confirmation. They may have understood what was taught the first time but the additional examples confirm that they understood accurately. Teachers can tell their class that some students like only one or two examples and others like more, even 5 or 6 examples. If they only like a few examples, they can appreciate that the additional examples are for friends in the class. My experience is that most students do not mind if they know the reason for the additional examples. Otherwise, they assume others are like them and ready to move on or even are bored by the repeating examples.

*Type for Kids School Tip #4: We know from previous research that extraverts remember more of a chapter if they read it thoroughly AFTER the lecture or demonstration. Introverts tend to remember more if they read thoroughly BEFORE the lecture or demonstration. I would tell classes you must read the chapter thoroughly some time before the test but you can skim first before the lecture and read thoroughly later if that helps you be more efficient in your learning. Teaching students to monitor their best ways to learn is an important metacognitive skill.

*Type for Kids School Tip #5: if you ask an extravert to describe their ideal learning environment, they typically have lots of things that make noise or stimulate like computers, friends, games, music, etc. However, when the task is mentally challenging the extravert REQUIRES quiet in order to concentrate. Every sound is a distraction from inner processing and an interruption to their thought flow. So, students who may frequently study with groups, and with noise, at certain times, will need a quiet place to work.

*Type for Kids School Tip #6: InThe Development of Personality (p. 56) Jung commented on the role of education. “We need not concern ourselves so much with the amount of specific information a child takes away with him from school; the thing of vital importance is that the school should succeed in freeing the young man from unconscious identity with his family, and should make him properly conscious of himself. Without this consciousness he will never know what he really wants, but will always remain dependent and imitative, with the feeling of being misunderstood and suppressed.” Teaching about type differences is one tool to help the child identify his individuality.

*Type for Kids School Tip #7: Jung had some positive and some negative school experiences. In The Development of Personality (paragraph 249) he wrote: “…I would say, in the light of my own experience, that an understanding heart is everything in a teacher, and cannot be esteemed highly enough. One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings.” An awareness of type allows us to reach out to children in a way that affirms their inner core.

*Type for Kids School Tip #8: If you are having a team discussion (or a table discussion at home) with a group of extraverts and introverts it helps if you have a standard non-verbal way to indicate you want a turn to say something. In school groups of students can be given “conversation chips”., When they want to share, they put their chip in front of them to indicate at the next opportunity they would like the floor. At home family members can put a piece of silverware horizontal in front of them. The non-verbal signal lets the speaker know someone is waiting for the floor. Older students (and business folks) can do the same with pencils.

*Type for Kids School Tip #9: I observed a student in 5th grade recently. The class was doing a great activity of interpreting charades. Teams of students worked together. Each team was to write the answer on a white board so as not to influence the other teams. One boy on one team kept calling the answer aloud. He was reminded at least 3 times to keep silent. When he called out again his teammates said, “Shut up.” He replied, “You never appreciate any of my ideas.” He was a perfect candidate for the “Mute Button” strategy previously shared.

By using his imaginary mute button, he could put his vocalizations on mute and mouth the idea to his friends without violating the group rules. He as only eager to impress his peers and did not consider other ways of sending his message. One reminder is all he should get. Then a peer or hiss teacher could ask him to step aside and miss the next round while he figured out a way to share his ideas with the team in a way that would not expose his answer to the other teams. Since this was a competitive activity “giving away the answer” by saying it aloud was annoying to his team. (His answers were correct most of the time.). The rule was clear. He violated he rule. One reminder is fair. Then he needs time and the opportunity to develop a strategy which will help him meet HIS real goal-positive feedback from his team for his ideas.

Type Hints for Home

*Type for Kids Home Tip #1: If you are the parent with a judging preference and your child has a perceiving preference it is still OK to ask them to do their homework on a Friday night but recognize they are doing it for you, not for them. Say, “My job as your mom is to check your homework. I cannot relax over the weekend until I get that job off my list of things to do. Please do your homework on Friday so I can enjoy the rest of the weekend.” Kids can adjust their behavior to respect the type of the parent, too.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #2: You should be able to observe your child express some of each of the four functions of Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, and Feeling, especially during the ages of 5-12. Part of discovering who they are is identifying who they are not. Only by doing activities and processing associated with the various functions will a child be able to say Yeah! or Nay! to a preference. As adults we need to provide an environment with opportunities for all four functions to be valued.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #3: If you have an ESP child you may appreciate using a “To Go” mat. This type is energized by what is happening in the moment and can get so distracted by current events that they forget something you just gave them to hold such as a water bottle for the soccer game. Buy a carpet sample. (They usually run only a dollar or so.) Designate it as the “To Go” rug. When the child has something that will need to go with them in the car (e.g., book bag, water bottle, coat, homework) they take it immediately to the To Go rug and place it there. When they are ready to go to the car they stop and pick up the things that are on the “To Go” mat. It works much better than saying repeatedly, “I just gave it to you. Where did you put it?

*Type for Kids Home Tip #4 As parents we want to encourage type development but stop disobedience. How do you determine if your child’s behavior is a type difference or misbehavior? If you give the child a direction or make a request, such as “Don’t go outside.” the child has no need to process a decision. If a child goes out when you explicitly said not to go that is disobedience. Wanting to go outside may have been type. Going outside after being told no is disobedience and merits a consequence.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #4: One introverted father had an extraverted pre-adolescent. When he would come home at the end of the day the extraverted child would be celebrating the end of the school day, wanting to be with friends, and asking to go do things. (Remember that the extravert re-energizes by engaging, doing, and interacting.) The father would say, “You need to go to your room to rest for a while.” When the child would object the father would say her behavior was out of bounds and that was proof that she needed to go lie down quietly for a while. Actually, it was the father who needed a moment of quiet to recharge. Instead, he might have said, “I need a few moments of quiet. Please respect that and then you can have time for your activities with your friends.” Parents can ask for their needs to be met, too.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #5: Parents are expected to check their child’s homework. You can add an element of chance to the process which will give it a playful tone as well as helping the child gain independence. When it comes time to check the work roll a die or pull a number. If it is even, you check the work. If it is odd, you don’t.

When you check the work reward all well-done work verbally and/or with a token. When the student gets a certain number of tokens or checks celebrate with him/her. The checks should earn a celebration time together, not a prize just for the child. The time together could be as simple as a game, a dance, or a walk but during the time together the parent cannot bring up any problem behavior. It is only for fun and positive bonding.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #6: Many times, parents reward a child completing a particular task, such as making the bed or completing a chore. Then the child comes to expect a reward or payment for most things they do. A better alternative is to reward them while they are learning a new skill. Once the skill is learned that skill moves to the “You can do it” folder and to earn more reward points they simply put in a new skill to be mastered. Then you are rewarding the effort and accomplishment associated with working hard to master a skill. The secondary advantage is that older and younger children can have comparable reward charts. One may be earning points for remembering to turn in homework while the other earns points for putting away their toys without reminder. The process makes for some fun family celebration time. Judging children may enjoy charting more than Perceiving children and Perceiving parents may struggle with keeping up with charts more than Judging parents. If you start a chart, you should finish a chart. Before starting a new chart check with your child to see if they would like to try out a new skill.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #7: When helping your child with homework it helps if you begin with three broad questions to increase their independence.
Supplies – Do you have everything you need?
Motivation – Do you want to get this done?
Comprehension – Do you understand what to do?
Start with these three broad questions so you teach your child to assess the problem, develop potential solutions, and implement the most reasonable solution first. Resist the temptation to direct, take over, and lecture. These only increase the chance you will continue to be needed in the future for these tasks.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #8: This tip applies to all types. Bread Art is a way to have a little fun. Take a slice of white bread. Put a tablespoon of milk in a cup. Add food coloring. Paint an image on the bread. Toast the bread. The image remains and you get to eat a decorated piece of morning fun. I always use multiple colors so I need several cups. You can get a bag of water color brushes at Walmart for about a dollar. They work great. Enjoy each other.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #9: Children will sometimes whine or say, “I can’t find it.” Parents then spend a lot of verbal energy listing the many places to look or spend physical energy helping them search. One way to address this issue is to use the “Help or Hire” approach. If you genuinely need help, I am there for you. If the task is something you could do but you aren’t, then you can hire my services. The child can pay using money or completing jobs. When one child could not find something, she was sent to get, she returned saying it was not there. The parent said it would cost $1 for assistance. If the item truly was not there then there would be no charge. If it was where she was told to go, then she had to pay $1. She chose to look again and amazingly found it. If you do not want to charge money then charge them a job around the house such as sweeping the floor, doing dishes, taking out the trash, etc.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #10: With the holidays coming soon some parents with a J preference get frustrated with children with a P preference who keep changing their mind about gifts they hope Santa brings. The open-ended, flexible Perceiving child believes he can change his mind up to the last moment. Judging parents can work with this style by selecting, with the child, a date on the calendar. After that date any good ideas for gifts are saved for next year. Explain that the earlier date is to accommodate production schedules (for the T child) or so Santa’s helpers won’t get exhausted by last minute requests (for the F child).

*Type for Kids Home Tip #11: Parents do not always know their child’s type but they can still use type concepts and type choices with their children The parent’s knowledge of type allows the parent to give wise options to their child. The child will select which works best for him or her that day. Remember a child will need to try both sides of a dichotomy in order to identify which is their best way. One time the child may select a Sensing option and the next select an Intuitive option. Providing a Sensing and an Intuitive choice is the key rather than having two Sensing options or two Intuitive options for their consideration. Their offered choices should be type sensitive.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #12: Children are exploring and discovering their preferences, Parents more likely, have identified at least their dominant and auxiliary. If the parent is living a type that is not consonant with his/her inner nature it can lead to exhaustion. Jung wrote in Psychological Types (paragraph 561) “…a reversal of type often proves exceedingly harmful to the physiological well-being of the organism, usually causing adults exhaustion.” It is just as important for the parent to take care of his/herself as it is for the parent to provide a positive environment for the child.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #13: As a new year begins, we decide where and how to hone our interests and invest our energy. One area of potential benefit for the next year is to dedicate some focus to the ways we play with our children. Play is valuable whether your child is 3 months, 3 years or 33 years old. Each child craves a chance to play with a parent to have fun together. Play cannot be contingent (“We will play after you finish your homework, do the dishes, etc.) Play must be fun. For some types it will be word challenges, for others board games, and for still others physical movement. Setting a goal to play with your child 15 minutes each day will yield hours of bonding. How do you play with your different types of children?

*Type for Kids Home Tip #14: In an airport recently, I noticed a young mom talking with her child who appeared to be around two-years old. Mom explained what they needed to do next and then ended with “OK?” The young child answered with, “No.” Mom repeated the directions and again said, “OK?” The child again said, “No.”

Mom was looking for agreement. One way to get the agreement would be to start the direction with the statement, “This is a no-choice turn. I will tell you what we are going to do. You can say “OK” when I finish. When she previously asked, “OK?” she sent a secondary message that there was a choice.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #15: Parents with an E_TJ preference, in their eagerness to help their child, are quick to offer suggestions for what to do next. Sometimes a child (or partner) only wants to share the need, the event, or the issue. They may not need help solving the problem. When someone begins to share a problem ask if he/she wants your help solving the problem or just wants you to understand an event in their life. If understanding is the request, the E_TJ parent can turn off their natural problem-solving and just listen instead. Sometimes it is respectful to the children to let them generate solutions, even if the parent might have better and quicker ideas.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #16: If a child is upset or crying the tendency of most adults is to ask, “What’s wrong?” That question gives information to the adult so the adult can solve the problem. Sometimes children have things that are upsetting but they are not ready to share or they believe they can take care of it on their own. I would suggest if you see a child who is upset you offer your support in a different way. Ask the child, “Do you need my help or can you solve your problem on your own?” Next ask, “If you do not need my help, would you like my company for a little while?” Sometimes children want the comfort of your presence but not the wisdom of your answers and advice.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #17: When I got on the airport parking shuttle my guide said, “Make sure you laugh and giggle with someone today.” So, I share the same wish for you. Make sure you laugh and giggle with your child sometime today.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #18: A parent naturally wants to protect his/her child from dangers in the world. One of the best ways to do that is to help your children develop their perception (Sensing and Intuition) and their judgment (Thinking and Feeling). The more we ask children to tell us what they noticed, tell what connections they see, tell how they made a choice, and tell how others might see the situation or the decision, the more we encourage the development of these preferences. Even comments as, “You noticed some interesting things. Are there other things that might still be noticed?” encourages development. With that question you endorsed the further use of perception.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #19: A friend was asking how to get her child out of the bathtub and into bed with minimal hassle. I shared what worked for our family. Nagging did nothing. Our child loved whatever he was doing at the time. Bath time was fun but a favorite activity was his bedtime story. Since he is a Perceiver and deadline-activated and we gave him a five-minute warning and said we would read a good night story to whomever was on his bed in his pajamas at 8:00. The first night we read a good night story to his stuffed animal. When he came in at the end, we reiterated that story time was 8:00 for anyone ready for bed and present. The next right we gave him his five-minute warning and he was in his room, ready for bed, and ready for his story by 8:00. Letting him know the deadline was important. Clear expectations were also important. No nagging nor threatening was required. Bath and bedtime became enjoyable for parent and child.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #20: Those with a Feeling preference run into an issue during adolescence. All children around this age seek autonomy and independence. Those with a Thinking preference have been independent from birth so this is not new. Those with a Feeling preference have been connecting since birth. To become independent now they tend to want to sever all connections with parental authority or those who give them a lot of advice. Since the family is the primary and closest connection the young person seeks emotional independence from the family first. A parent can make a comment about the adolescent’s hair or clothes and it is “controlling.” A friend could use the exact same words and it is helpful.

As a result, many parents get exhausted with the tension and “leave them alone”. That can feel like abandonment to some children. Parents need to stay connected but on neutral grounds. Talk about the weather, current world events, TV shows and movies but don’t talk about boyfriends, clothes, or friendship drama unless the adolescent starts the topic. Always leave the door for conversation open but wait to be invited unless there is a problem. Then say, “I want to respect your choices but I have concerns about…your career choice (for example). I will tell you what I think but I recognize the final choice is yours.”

If the adolescent is experiencing problems that require intervention that is another story for another day.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #21: One fun thing to do in families is to ask each family member to name three words to describe self. Each identifies the 3 words that match best. Kids say words as “nice” or “smart” or “fun.” The activity takes only a few moments but endorses self-reflection and can be repeated weekly. You can extend the activity by asking if there is a word they would like to have as a descriptor. If so, is there an action they can take to improve those skills or characteristics? So, if a child wanted to become “fast” in soccer he/she could practice running. If a person wanted to become “funny” he/she could decide how to improve the humorous interactions with others, An awareness of self is a great skill to develop and this gives a fun way to initiate the process.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #22: People frequently ask if a child inherits type from the parents. Biologists tell me everything eventually gets down to genetics. Yet, at this time, science cannot trace the genetics associated with concepts as thought, souls, auras, or type. Psychological Type theory says type is innate. Type does not change and we have it from birth. So, two ISTJ parents can have an ENFP child. An awareness of type differences will allow them the positive basis for interpreting their child’s responses when these responses are so different from theirs.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #23: Young Sensing Thinking (ST) children crave information and direct experience looking for cause and effect rules for their world. Their play with toys tends to be play to help them figure out what makes it work. As they age this type and the NT child have been known to take things apart just to see what makes it work. They are not interested in reassembling the toy or the tool. We need to be open to the interpretation that this behavior was not destructive but investigative.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #24: At times we are asked to practice skills with our children as part of their homework. It might be spelling or math facts. Research supports that practicing over time more than practicing a lot at one time results in longer retention of the information. So, we can have “commercial” lessons with our child. Practice the spelling words or the math facts during a TV commercial. When the show resumes you are done. Two or three commercials a night equals a dedicated amount of study time and may satisfy the needs of children who cannot study for long periods of time. The strategy works as well for recall of chemical symbols or historical events but a parent might need a “cheat sheet” for these more complicated fact revies.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #25: Reciprocity is a nice practice to develop in the home. If one person does something nice for you then you look for a way to reciprocate and do something nice for that person. The focus shifts from what you can do for me to what you can do for me this time and then what I can do for you. Children can sometimes take for granted things that parents do for them and the service becomes expected. Parents can help shift servitude to reciprocity by saying, “My nice thing for you was driving you to soccer. I am looking forward to the surprise nice thing you will do for me today.” We do this to show we care and make caring explicit rather than implied.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #26: A mom recently shared how upsetting it was to hear her child say he was stupid. Schoolwork was difficult for him. I asked what she said to him and she said she assured him he was not stupid in the belief that would be comforting. For some children that answer is tantamount to calling the child a liar or for seeming so unrealistic and out of it to the child.

Another response option is to first accept the feeling. Then limit the feeling to this moment or task. Third, decide the net step to take to cope or resolve the problem. You would say, “This job or this assignment makes you feel really stupid today. That happens to everyone some time. Now, do you think you want a brain break for a short rest, help with the assignment, or a moment to regain your cool?” The three key points: 1. The feeling is real and legitimate and needs acknowledgement. 2. The feeling is temporary and related to the situation and not the character of the person. 3. The problem csn be solved. Type helps children learn their best ways for coping and solving problems.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #27: I saw an ad that advised parents to ask their child about their school day as soon as the child got home. Introverted learners may be exhausted from the day and give curt answers like, “Fine” because they need a break from interactions. Instead say, “I would love to hear something about your day and share something about mine. Shall we talk now or later?” Then make sure you spend some time together before they go to bed. The talk may only take 5 minutes but it can be 5 minutes well spent.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #28: A nine-year-old soccer player was asked to join a tournament league. His mother told him to make a list of people he wanted to be on his team. When he shared his list, she commented, “Don’t you want any of your friends on your team?” He compiled a list of people he knew played their positions well. This could clearly be a T-F difference between parent and child. A good strategy for children is to offer them both options before compiling the list. The parent could say, “You can make your list and think of the best players for the team because this is a competition or you can make your list of good friends you enjoyed playing together in the past. You can even do a combination. You decide what works best for you this time.” The two critical pieces are that you add the phrase “this time” so the child feels comfortable choosing differently in the future and that you give both a Thinking and Feeling way for making the list. By mentioning both you validate either choice.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #29: A mother with a preference for Judging had a child with a preference for Perceiving. She was giving advice to another parent and commented that she had to set the task expectation for her daughter and then walk away. If she watched HOW her daughter approached getting the job done it drove her crazy. She gave herself the rule to walk away during the process and only discipline if the job was not done or was done poorly. Most often, she said, the job was done well but the child’s way of doing the work was so different from the way the parent worked. The parenting guideline is to judge the child by the output not the process. A parent could say, “I can show you an easy way that works for me when I have that job or you can choose to do it other ways. What would you like?” Teaching them options is wonderful. Expecting your child to do it your way is not.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #30: Helping children develop means developing their best while teaching them to respect the differences found in others, including their parent. Sometimes the parent should bend to match the child’s preferences and sometimes the child should bend to match the parent’s type. I use two guidelines to help me know who should flex. The younger the child (under the age of 3), the more the parent should flex. The second condition, considers who has the greater need. Others should flex to whomever has the greater need. If the parent is really tired after a full day at work the child can flex to work with the parent’s type. If the child then has a major problem with homework the parent should help in ways that match the child’s type. There could be multiple changes in who has the greater need in one evening. Everyone gets their type respected some of the time and everyone adjusts to accommodate type differences for parents or siblings at other times. The reciprocity sets the stage for respect for differences and acknowledgement that sometimes things go our way and sometimes we do what others need first.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #31: A mother recently shared that knowing her children’s types really helps her understand the very different ways they greet her when she picks them up after school. Her introverted intuitive son barely has two words to say but they talk later. Her extraverted sensing daughter talks nonstop for at least 10 minutes sharing the details of her day. The mom is introverted (similar to her son) so she understands his need for private time. She confessed that, although she loves listening to her daughter’s stories, some days she wishes they were shorter. Without an understanding of type, she might have valued one child’s way over the other at the expense of the child. Recognizing differences in children is the best way to be “equally fair and caring” to each child.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #32: I spoke with two moms one week and each had a different approach for helping her child. The first mom said her 11-year-old daughter came home and said, “Don’t be mad. I have a problem but I think I also have a solution so don’t be mad.” The mom asked her to explain and the girl said she left her tennis shoes at school and she needed them for her tennis practice that night. (She may have a bit of a history of forgetting things.) She added, “I can borrow your shoes if you let me.” The mom was delighted that the daughter solved the problem on her own and readily agreed. She said her daughter was surprised that mom was not angry but her mom explained that her daughter showed such maturity in thinking up a reasonable solution that there was no reason to be annoyed.

The other mother had a child who was 13. She called the teacher to find out his assignment because he was not sure what was to be completed. The mom worked with the teacher to find a way for the mom to know the assignments each day. Sometimes that is a necessary first step but ultimately, we want the child solving the problem. If the mom did need to intervene to help the child, the child should at least be involved in brainstorming two ways to solve the problem of unknown assignments. Mom calling and getting the information is one way. What is another? The child needs empowered to solve his problem so he can feel safe in the world because he can manage when things do not go as planned.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #33: A mom recently shared her child’s NT (intuition/Thinking) at work. His task was to complete a 100-count math-facts drill worksheet for multiplication in less than a minute. He knew the answers but could not complete the sheet as quickly as required. One day he was successful and explained to his mom how he solved the problem. He said when he did the problems in order, he could not go any faster but when he started working on the problems from right to left instead of left to right, he could see the next problem out of the corner of his eye while he was writing the answer to the current problem. He cut his time considerably and successfully completed the task. His intuition was working because he looked for new alternatives rather than working with the known way of increasing his speed. He was also comfortable with multitasking by looking at the new problem while writing the answer to the other problem. His intuition/Thinking shone through by approaching the issue as a problem with other solutions and his willingness to risk with a new way rather than stay with an established way to solve math problems. Type truly is fun to watch when it occurs naturally in the child’s day-to-day life activities.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #34: As a young child I can remember having millions of thoughts but I was not able to initiate or advocate for my needs. I would defend to the nth degree someone else’s rights or opportunity but felt it was “selfish” to advocate for me. I think that mentality came from a combination of religious upbringing coupled with my dominant introverted Feeling preference. Others always came first and most times, still do. The strategy of the parent spending 10 minutes devoted to each child each night would have opened windows for me to discuss some of those million thoughts. In ten minutes, much conversation can happen. I was waiting to be asked about my ideas. Ten minutes of dedicated listening from a parent rather than incidental listening (where the parent multi-tasks) would have encouraged me to share and I would have eagerly shared my heart with someone who wanted to hear. My hunch is there is a new generation of Introverted Feelers waiting for that same opportunity. Just ten minutes….

*Type for Kids Home Tip #35: When my INFJ daughter was 9 or 10 she embroidered Christmas ornaments for our tree. She was all done with her part and it needed me to put on the backing and the hanger. During the busy holiday time finishing the ornaments became lower on my list of priorities. I thought that was OK. She was “done” but I was not. Then, a few weeks later I heard her say to a friend how she was not finished because she was waiting for her mom to do her part. The job was still on her “to Do” list. There was no closure and my failure to do my part was causing additional stress for my daughter because she could not let go without complete closure.

I wish I had clarified with her a date that I would promise to finish so she could understand the pace we were using. I wish I had clarified that she would take it off her list because everything she needed to do was done. Now it was 100% my turn. I wish….I wish… There are many times in parenting when we think back and wish we had responded more wisely. Maya Angelou had a wonderful phrase that sounded something like, “You did what you did because that was all you knew to do. When you knew better, you did better.” With parenting, as we learn more about ways to respect and communicate with our children, we can focus on our positive growth rather than ruminate on previous flaws. Type offers a foundation for understanding our child’s way of processing and allows us to appreciate why things that seem minor to us can be very important to them. Type teaches us how to respond to honor their difference.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #36: I hope you have had a chance to enjoy all the wonder of the holidays with those you love. As the new year approaches, I offer some potential parenting resolutions.
1. I will hold the standard (the expected behavior) firm but allow different ways to reach that level.
2. I will affirm my children with language or actions at least once a day.
3. I will allow my children to fail or feel badly because of their failure but be there to help them solve the problem or regain their emotional equilibrium.
4. I will keep learning the best ways to help my children learn who they are, who they are not, and who they will become.
5. I will grow as a parent while I help my children explore the world and develop their talents.

Type is a great tool for facilitating this process and meeting these resolutions.

*Type for Kids Home Tip #37: A very astute mom sent this note. She said she told her two children they had to have homework completed by 8:00. They could do it whenever they chose. Her child with a P preference chose to stay playing the computer. Her child with a J preference chose to do his homework then. The great part is she respected each child enough to give them a choice but made it clear what they had to do and by when. She allowed them to learn to manage their time in a way that works best for each. Wonderful!

*Type for Kids Home Tip #38: When my children were younger and did something wrong my husband enjoyed the opportunity to give a star lecture on the “right” response. Because at times these moments of advice could last a while, we developed a strategy to cut them short. All my kids had to do was say, “What you are trying to tell me is…” If they were right, my husband had to stop lecturing. It was amazing how quickly my children were able to discern the full intent of the conversation and how frustrated my husband would be because he did not get to say everything he planned to say. It became a game. At least we knew the children heard the intended message. Wasn’t that the point of the lecture?